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Q&A: (MOST FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS)


 


By ALY KHAN
Aug 25 - 31, 2003 
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Q. How should one react if S(H)E does not get the 14th August National Award.

A. Call 134 and complain 2. Send protesting Emails with virus to the concerned Section officer. Also send it to local MMA & MNA( don't miss 90). 3.Go on Coffee strike in front of press club 4. Switch the channel when the Award ceremony is being shown on PTV, to say National Geographic channel. 5.Hire a lawyer and try to take a stay order and ask the lawyer not to go on hearing dates.

Q. What techniques one should opt for so that S(H)E can get the award next year?.

1. Send Mango Boxes (Sindhri special or Choosa type) to concerned dealing official (Section officer or PA to Additional Secretary) at their home addresses. Call them to see their reaction. Promise them to send them again after your nomination is confirmed. Send your photograph through Internet. If you have grown beard (religious style) send back dated photos. Bearded men have less chances, as it displeases the local FBI chapter.3. Try to get nomination for Comparing as all the good comparers have been awarded atleast thrice, and there is no queue. Also try Metallurgy in this field also they don't care what you have done.

Q. If a new award called Sitar-e-Batamizi is to be given, which organizations will you like to nominate ?

1. Income tax office (Say Salary circle) for never sending you tax refund. 2. KESC for complaints handling.& Surcharging and Additional surcharging in their inflated bills. 3.KMC for designing and maintaining Motrway in Nusrat Bhutto colony and Orangi to Mangopir which is like driving on moon surface 365 days in a year.4. Sindh Revenue department, where no property transfer can take place without greasing the palms

Help line go for all of the above.

Q. Which area in Karachi is outside NAZIM's CONTROL

A. Lines Area.2. Bahaduryar jung Academy lane, Bahadurabad 3. Lyari 4. Baitul Hamza

Help Line: Go for 2.. As the lane never had a sweeper for last 2 years.

A Swiss joint called Societe generale de blackouts is seeking nominations for top slot of most inefficient power plants in the third world.

Q. Which power plant would you recommend.

 

 

A. KESC 2. Le Somalia Electric 3. Al Saddam powerless 4. Chicken Chow mein Power, North Korea.

Help line. Go for KESC with its 40 percent line losses and Kunda culture , there is no match. Don't go for Saddam Also avoid North Korea as FBI will get after you. Or if you want to play safe just skip this question.

Q. In the non sporting world whom do you like the best.

1.Boxer Mike Tyson for biting his opponent ear (and later chewing it) 2. Shane Warne for passing the dope test 3. World wide wrestling champion called Cheat 2 Win, America" for always cheating 4. Pakistani cricket team for losing the match against Bangladesh in the world cup.

Q. Name the Most Powerful Businessman

A. According to latest survey the most powerful business person is Bill Gates. The chief Microsoft architect, the worlds richest man estimated net worth more than 30 billion dollars. He controls computers and has changed the economics of information technology by creating software and hardware., only 47 years of age he has lot ahead.

2. LEE SCOTT OF WALMART. CEO of America's biggest company with 247 billion dollars in sales and nearly 1.4 million employees.

3. CITIGROUP'S SANDY WEILL who says Citi never sleeps (except in Pakistan). One trillion dollars in assets. Sandy has managed biggest mergers in history, making Citigroup the world's largest financial service.

4. IBM'S SAM PALMISANO has promised to revolutionize the IT world with "on-demand" technology the company's worth presently is 81 billion dollars.

 

 

5. SONY/ JAPAN

NOBUYUKI IDEI san (San is Japanese equivalent of Mr.) speaks English and French, favors Italian shoes and German cars, and serves on the boards of General Motors and Nestle.. Idei has gradually risen in ranks of the $61 billion company that makes gadgets the world loves to play with. His next task: to take Sony's traditional strengths in innovation and technology, mix them with its newer interests in movies, games, and multimedia, and bring them to a higher level-the Holy Grail of digital convergence.

6. TOYOTA MOTOR

JAPAN'S SHOICHIRO Toyoda, 78, is still the ultimate authority. While Toyota Motor ranks third in unit sales and fourth in revenues, in many ways it is the world's leading carmaker. The company consistently dominates quality surveys, its market of $94 billion leaves second-place General Motors in the dust, and it earned more money last year ($7.8billion) than any other automaker. Toyota also is a leading player in alternative-fuel vehicles

7. AZIM PREMJI WIPRO

Premji inherited Wipro as a 21-year-old Indian student at Stanford in 1966, the company's chief product was edible oils, Now it's bytes of a different kind. Premji moved Wipro into computer hardware in the '70s, into software in the '80s, and into services in the '90s. The timing was perfect: Wipro is the largest publicly traded company in the most dynamic sector of India's economy. And the company's success has made Premji India's richest man, with a net worth of about $6 billion. The soft spoken Wipro chairman is also respected for refusing to give or take bribes a powerful example in a country where corruption is common. Pakistani Businessman can try copying.

8. ALWALEED BIN TALAL

AL-SAUD KINGDOM HOLDING/ SAUDI ARABIA

A nephew of Saudi Arabia's King Fahd, the 46-year-old Prince built up his inheritance to an estimated fortune of $17.7 billion through shrewd investments. Beginning with a $590 million capital injection in 1991, he has become perhaps the single largest investor in the world's most profitable company, Citigroup. His chairman ship of Kingdom Holding may make him the single biggest foreign investor in the U.S., as well as the largest investor outside the U.S. Among his interests: stakes in a number of landmark hotels and hotel groups, Apple Computer, News Corp., Teledesic, and Riyadh's Kingdom City.